Crossdressers (formerly called "transvestites" - this term is now generally considered pejorative)Crossdressing is a common phenomenon in human societies and has been known throughout history. Most children experiment with trying on the clothes of their opposite-sex parents or older siblings. These days, because women are not considered in any way "odd" for wearing pants, crossdressing is considered mostly an issue for genetic men, though women who gain pleasure from dressing as men are not uncommon. Some crossdressers simply experience a bit of a thrill once a year on halloween. Others feel the need frequently to wear clothing or underclothing not considered gender-appropriate by society at large.
As I mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with this. However, we live in a world that has not yet evolved to the point of being able to see this as a positive phenomenon. As a result, those who find themselves drawn to cross-dress often live a life of guilt over their feelings and actions, as well as repression of desires. These feelings will often lead to severe depression and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. Crossdressers are often reluctant to broach the topic with their spouses. This in itself can lead to a sense of dishonesty and guilt, as well as a sense of pathology, and a fear of discovery.
Spouses often don't understand what is going on. "Is my spouse really gay?" (Usually not). "Will she/he leave me?" (Usually not). "Will he/she be having a sex change?" (Usually not). Not knowing what is really going on is toxic to a relationship, and spouses of crossdressers are often just as much in need of therapy as the crossdressers themselves.
After learning that he is a crossdresser, the caring partner in a relationship always wants to know "Now what do I do?" "Is this a competition for me?" "Is this going to be a negative, destructive force in this relationship?" "What about the children?" In turn, he probably doesn't know how to understand all of the emotions associated with crossdressing behaviour. Usually, only through the therapeutic process can these issue be understood fully.
Living with a crossdresser has its challenges, but also its joys. Crossdressers are, in my experience, usually deeply loving, caring and loyal individuals, worthy of love and respect. However, years of depression, repression and even deceit about these deep-seated feelings will, with good reason, have a negative effect on a relationship, and healing is needed.
My years of experience in the field of sexology have allowed me to help numerous couples and individuals to a deeper understanding of each other and more fullfilling relationships..